Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
