the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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