I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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