my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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