I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
