Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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