So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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