Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize