Say something about gay babies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
