i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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