if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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