You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize