Did you just see the Batmobile???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
