Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
