I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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