I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
