Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
