whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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