Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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