I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
