What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
