I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
