I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize