I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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