DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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