You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
