he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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