1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What changed your mind?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.