So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.