RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.