i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
