you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
send nudes
from the living room?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
