Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
