I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come on in and take your pants off
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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