I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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