Im at strip club and am horny
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts