it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
