so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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