whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
