he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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