i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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