Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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