i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
