I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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