if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
