Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
