My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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