There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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