Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
whose ass print is on the piano?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize