I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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