Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
