apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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